Anonymous asked: It's true. I used to knock things down when I was a child. Now I'm a neo-Nazi MRApist cishet shitlord. If only my mum would have stopped me, than maybe I would be a good person.
I’m puzzled by this comment because that is not what the article (“The Problem with Boys Will be Boys”) was saying at all. In fact, later in the article (which I’ll mention because it’s not clear if you read the entire post) the author of the post talks about two other boys her daughter encountered at the preschool and how differently the interactions went with them. In at least one of the cases (possibly in both), the girl and boy would build things and then destroy them together, because it is fun to knock things over, as a shared activity. The point isn’t that the first boy knocked things over. The point of the article was that the boy involved did it without permission, without asking, and then continued repeatedly to do it even after the girl asked him to stop, and the parents did nothing about it and specifically excused it as if they were helpless to let him know his behavior was disruptive. That is quite different from knocking things down as a child. Or at least it is in my world.
The COLD STEEL giveaway continues through Monday. Information here for the Tumblr post. And over here is the main Wordpress post.
There are really great questions, here on Tumblr, on my Wordpress site, and on the livejournal mirror.
I will answer them all over the course of the next three months, a few at a time every Monday (there are a LOT of questions).
I want to thank everyone. Seriously.
The Problem with 'Boys Will Be Boys' -
For months, every morning when my daughter was in preschool, I watched her construct an elaborate castle out of blocks, colorful plastic discs, bits of rope, ribbons and feathers, only to have the same little boy gleefully destroy it within seconds of its completion.
No matter how many times he did it, his parents never swooped in BEFORE the morning’s live 3-D reenactment of “Invasion of AstroMonster.” This is what they’d say repeatedly:
“You know! Boys will be boys!”
“He’s just going through a phase!”
“He’s such a boy! He LOVES destroying things!”
“Oh my god! Girls and boys are SO different!”
“He. Just. Can’t. Help himself!”
I tried to teach my daughter how to stop this from happening. She asked him politely not to do it. We talked about some things she might do. She moved where she built. She stood in his way. She built a stronger foundation to the castle, so that, if he did get to it, she wouldn’t have to rebuild the whole thing. In the meantime, I imagine his parents thinking, “What red-blooded boy wouldn’t knock it down?”
She built a beautiful, glittery castle in a public space.
It was so tempting.
He just couldn’t control himself and, being a boy, had violent inclinations.
She had to keep her building safe.
Her consent didn’t matter. Besides, it’s not like she made a big fuss when he knocked it down. It wasn’t a “legitimate” knocking over if she didn’t throw a tantrum.
His desire — for power, destruction, control, whatever- - was understandable.
Maybe she “shouldn’t have gone to preschool” at all. OR, better if she just kept her building activities to home.
I know it’s a lurid metaphor, but I taught my daughter the preschool block precursor of don’t “get raped” and this child, Boy #1, did not learn the preschool equivalent of “don’t rape.”
Not once did his parents talk to him about invading another person’s space and claiming for his own purposes something that was not his to claim. Respect for her and her work and words was not something he was learning. How much of the boy’s behavior in coming years would be excused in these ways, be calibrated to meet these expectations and enforce the “rules” his parents kept repeating?
There was another boy who, similarly, decided to knock down her castle one day. When he did it his mother took him in hand, explained to him that it was not his to destroy, asked him how he thought my daughter felt after working so hard on her building and walked over with him so he could apologize. That probably wasn’t much fun for him, but he did not do it again.
There was a third child. He was really smart. He asked if he could knock her building down. She, beneficent ruler of all pre-circle-time castle construction, said yes… but only after she was done building it and said it was OK. They worked out a plan together and eventually he started building things with her and they would both knock the thing down with unadulterated joy. You can’t make this stuff up.
Take each of these three boys and consider what he might do when he’s older, say, at college, drunk at a party, mad at an ex-girlfriend who rebuffs him and uses words that she expects will be meaningful and respecte, “No, I don’t want to. Stop. Leave.”
The “overarching attitudinal characteristic” of abusive men is entitlement.
(Source: lastlifeinuniverse, via neuralwiles)
Cover reveal for Ascension. It’s gorgeous and I couldn’t be happier with it. I hope you love it too!
Art by Scott Grimando, cover design by Sherin Nicole.
#QUEER #POC #POLYAMORY
Copies of COLD STEEL arrived on my doorstep this afternoon.
I can’t read them all, plus I already know the story, and meanwhile the book is not officially released until 25 June 2013.
[The ebook will be released into the wild on 25 June but it is possible that the print book will start showing up earlier in bookstores just as the print copies of COLD FIRE did. So if you are buying the print version, keep your eyes open.]
Obviously the only thing to do is to have a giveaway.
I’m giving away four copies of COLD STEEL.
Here are the rules:
1. The giveaway will be open for one week, from today 20 May until 9 p.m. HT (Hawaii Time) on Monday 27 May.
2. Anyone can enter internationally.
3. To enter, ask me a question about the Spiritwalker Trilogy *or* about writing *or* about the science fiction/fantasy field and media *or* about something else. Everyone who asks a question is entered. There are no stupid questions.
4. Three of the copies will be picked randomly from all entries (here, on livejournal, and on tumblr). One copy will be picked at my discretion based on the questions themselves—but only one. There may be a few of you who worry about whether your question is good enough or clever enough or interesting enough: It is. And anyway, as per the above, lest you are still secretly fretting as I would be, three of the winners will be picked without regard to the question asked.
I will mail out the winners’ copies as soon as I get addresses (on May 28 if possible).
5. After you have read the book you can review it IF YOU WISH, or not review it, as you wish. This giveaway is in the nature of thanking my readers.
Just to clarify, any review should be the honest opinion of the reviewer. While I naturally hope all of you love the novel, I am aware that not everyone will, and reviews should be honest. However, IF you decide to review it, I ask (as per Orbit’s request) that you not review it until late June when the books are available.
Do not underestimate the importance of the social media conversation about books. The conversation is a fabulous thing, and it matters.
A brief reminder: Check out my book event dates (San Francisco, San Diego, New York, Seattle, Portland), and come if you can!
One last thing: YOU GUYS. Thank you for being the best readers.
“The Severed Sophistry of Nathaniel Sharpe.”
in Chinese mythology, the Dragon Kings ruled the four seas and often had fearsome half-human half-dragon forms. throughout the land in shadowy groves and clandestine coves lurked fox spirits, beautiful, cunning creatures who often took the form of seductive young women. while the Dragon Kings often were frightening in appearance, their children were quite lovely and could take fully human forms.
I wanted to draw a fairy tale story with a fox spirit and a dragon prince.
please do not remove my commentary if you do reblog, thank you!
I love this!
Stygimoloch spinifer, because I find the species utterly adorable.
I was stuck in the car for about eight hours over the weekend while going to visit the in-laws and my mind was just wandering around. Part of me ships Merida with MacGuffin but part of me is like.. ehh.. it’s more likely she married some complete outsider or no-one at all.
So in one of the alternate versions I came up with Abderrahim. The third son of an Iberian nobleman he chose the life of a scholar and was on his way back from drawing complete map of the Baltic Sea when the vessel he was traveling on capsized in an autumn storm and the few survivors floated to shore not far from Castle Dunbroch. With her father’s health starting to fail Merida took to looking after the injured and before long the adventurous duo were inseparable and Abderrahim’s despair over his lost research forgotten as Merida showed him the Highlands. Three years later at her coronation Merida announced that they were to marry. Initially the clansmen disagreed but as Merida’s influence grew and Dunbroch and neighboring clans prospered beyond everyone’s expectations with the new trade routes to south the doubters were silenced. This picture is Queen Merida and King Abderrahim on the tenth birthday of their firstborn twins, crown prince Fergus and crown princess Jamila.
Oh there was a load of other stuff as well but another (story)time.
This is adorable.
A Song of Lament for Syria: In Aleppo, a city famous for its love of music, the bombs are drowning out the songs. -
This article by Syrian novelist Nihad Sirees includes info on “the banat ishreh — women who form intense, intimate relationships with other women and who meet in groups in order to sing, dance and socialize. The atmosphere at those soirees was rife with coquettishness, jealousy and love. Each woman would sit next to her particular friend and, in turn, would sing her a song. ….
“I had heard of two banat ishreh who lived together, and I wanted to meet them, so I called them and set up an appointment….
“The younger woman, whom I’ll call Ahlam for her protection, was a dark-eyed beauty. I’ll call her friend Hameed — she had given herself a man’s name, one that reminded me of the burly heroes of Egyptian movies from the 1960s. Hameed had a boyish haircut and a mannish way of sitting and smoking cigarettes. She acted as if she were the husband of Ahlam, and had even purchased a hair salon in Ahlam’s name in case something bad happened and she was no longer able to take care of her.
“Hameed was also a famous wedding singer who was known all over town, and wedding halls would fill to the brim with women who had come to hear her sing — and behave — like a man. They would clamber up onstage with her as she sang to the newlyweds, dancing and writhing around her.
“I loved those two women, and began to visit them whenever I could, soaking up Hameed’s stories about the banat ishreh … . “
Like Japan’s Takarazuka, like the cross-dressing English music hall performers … Wonderful to see an example out of Syria! A moving article about what the war has done to music, and to these people in particular. May there be peace. And music, soon.